So I open the Sunday paper and look at the Parade section and what do I see? Friggin Drew Carey has lost 85 pounds and in perfect health. Why did he do it, because he realized he was a fat ass and on a fast track to an early death. I can’t fault him for that. He looks great. What irritated me about the article is that I am a fat ass and even though I am about 40 pounds lighter than I was when I was living in California, I am still on a fast track to an early check out. Yeah, I am bummed that my social life is pretty much nonexistent, and I haven’t been on an actual date in close to 10 years, my car is a piece of shit, I am struggling with school, and the rest of my life, BUT, I am not ready to check out. Today is the day I tap in to my stubbornness and get my fuckin act together. I know I have said this in many round about ways in the past but I am putting my foot down. I’ve recently met some people who have really inspired me to do better. I am no longer letting things like money or people or the lack of people around me, get me down. Fuck it, it’s my life. If I don’t do anything to change it, then it will never change. The last doctor I saw for a prescription was a marathon runner at 70 years old. He wasn’t always a runner but as an adult he learned that running was an excellent way to stay fit and he is. My conversation with him was funny, he was giving me pointers for possible cardio workouts and I knew them all. Ever since leaving the doctor’s office I have almost felt ashamed about the way I am living. Being depressed, screw that. Sitting on my ass all day, screw that. As far as being broke, screw that too, if I can’t pay my bills and they won’t help me out until I can, then fuck them, I have nothing to take away. I have $750.00 and a bowl full of change left to my name. I just spent $40.00 of that on some running shoes. Starting tomorrow, I will be taking the bus every day rain or shine, I will also be running as much as I can every evening. I already have a route planned out. When I get back on to the right track with my fitness regime, I will expand. Little steps each time is all I ask of myself. I am at the point where if I fail and continue to be a lazy unmotivated slob, I may as well step in front of a bus because right now I am pretty much in the bad express lane heading in the wrong direction. I hate to sound like I am in rehab but I am in charge of my future. I need to quit being a whining little bitch, suck it up and drive on. Oh, the thing about Drew Carey, good for him, he lost 85 pounds in less than a year, and all he did was change what he ate and pushed himself to be more active. Now he is a lot lighter, no longer diabetic, and a lot, lot happier. My weight today was: 283.9 I will weigh in every Sunday from now on “like I used to and stopped like a dumbass”. I will also keep track of what I did during the day like food intake, and exercise.

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