I noticed that I haven’t posted any rants lately, so I decided to start the New Year off by talking about a few irritating things from 2010.

I watch a lot of television, so a lot of my rants are associated with commercial advertising.

1) Febreze air freshener. Who is the king sized asshole behind that ad campaign? Not a minute goes buy where I don’t hear that friggin “Whee whee WHEE whee  lalalalalala” theme song. I have heard it SO many times, I feel like breaking things with hammers by the time the commercial has finished. The message I see every time I see one of those damn commercials is “If you don’t bathe, never clean your house, have been sleeping on the same unwashed sheets for 11 months, or are just plain nasty, this is for you”! Every commercial shows some boob, in the middle of the room, spraying Febreze above their head, then immediately inhaling the mist as it drifts to the floor. WOW what a fresh scent! Well no, your house still smells like a turd, you just snorted a cup full of whatever chemicals makes up Febreze. If that’s all you need to do to mask odors, then they should have made Febreze snort able like nose spray. That way a little would go a long way, and the people who actually liked the dead cat smell wouldn’t be disappointed either.

2) I am SO sick of seeing the new products that tout “one whole serving of vegetables in every bite/drink”. When did eating fruits and vegetables become so difficult? I’m sure that with all of our new modern processing, the shit you just drank from a plastic bottle, and with an ingredients label a mile long, is just like an apple. Why can’t we just eat an apple? I keep thinking of an animated movie I saw a while ago where humans were forced to flee a dying earth, and while floating around in space, they had become fat and lazy. Due to automation, robots fed them smoothies all day. They all ended up getting so fat and out of shape, they couldn’t move if they wanted to. If we keep seeking our fruit and vegetable intake from goo in plastic bottles, we are doomed to an overweight life on a lounge chair.

 3) Things that are supposed to make our lives better like snuggies, easy soap dispensers, and easy buttons. I don’t know what irritates me more, the products or the way they are presented. They always show some idiot lying on a couch “trying to make that pesky blanket stay put”. What they should really say is “Are blankets hard? If so, try a snuggie and never be bested by a flat piece of fabric again!” The easy soap dispenser is promoted by the same company “Are soap dispensers hard?” same for the easy button. If I manufactured these products, I would fire whatever company handles all of the advertising, because they make the potential consumer look like a complete moron. I’m smarter than a blanket; therefore I refuse to ever buy a snuggie.

There, these are my New Years rants. Enjoy.