I would have to say I’m feeling kind of depressed. I know, I complain about something every week. I do that because I feel like things will never change. I just watched a movie where a guy was complaining to his buddy about his life resembling a mouse running on a wheel. The mouse never stops…..Welcome to my world. I’ve jumped off a few mouse wheels in my time. The only problem is
I end up landing on another mouse wheel. It bugs me that I never found a real job, and stuck with it long enough to be really good at it. It bugs the shit out of me that another birthday is coming up in a week or so, and I am still single without a hope in the hell of ever being in another relationship. Even if by some stroke of complete luck I do find someone gullible enough to eventually marry me, kids would be out of the question. Half the people I know that are my age are becoming grandparents. Good for them, but that is yet another buss I missed. I seem to be living the life of missed busses. The
majority of the people I know have something they can call their own whether it be a house, family, job, whatever. They belong to something. I know I have my immediate family close to me, but it’s not the same. I feel like what I want is impossible to obtain. I’m irritated that I’m supposed to be an adult, and everything I own could fit in my car. I’m smart enough to get a job, but I feel like I am
only one step away from living in my car. It makes me feel like I am doing something wrong, and have been for years and years. When will my head pop my head above the water? Sometimes it feels like falling off a wave, and swimming down instead of up (surfing reference). I’m ready for my head to break the surface. Clean air would be nice for a change. I’m getting so close to the end of school, but I am SO sick of the routine good and bad, I feel like just saying “screw it”, and walking away. I’m tired of feeling burnt out about everything.

I guess it’s not all that bad. I do have a roof over my head. My chair doesn’t suck, so it makes sitting at my desk all day a little more bearable. So I guess I should be happy. Two out of a thousand things on my mind don’t suck. I’m sure like usual, I’ll feel different tomorrow. Maybe I’ll see the sun? The weather has been shitty for weeks. Maybe that’s what’s getting to me. Holy crap I hate the weather up here….

I’ll end here, so I don’t bitch about anything else.

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