Why do people find it necessary to gnaw on each other’s faces in public places? I swear the couple sitting at the table beside me sounded like a giant dog gorging on his own ass. “Slorp” “slurp” “smack” Slorp” “slurp”. When I finally looked up to see where all of the wet sounds were coming from all I saw were two 17 somethings looking like they were half asleep staring in different directions. As soon as the guy looked at his phone real quick it was back to the lip smacking carnage. I’m guessing if they had blow holes in the back s of their heads like whales, they could keep doing that indefinitely. I get it; you’re in love….but do you have to sound like Gallagher just hammered a watermelon whenever you meet in public? I feel like I should have been wearing one of those $1.00 rain ponchos to block the flying spit.

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