Here are some movies I have watched, and my crappy reviews of them.

Thor

(2011) Starring Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Stellan Skarsgard, Anthony Hopkins

Everyone knows about Thor right? Well ok if you don’t I’ll break it down real quick like.

We begin with Thor. He is the son of Odin. They are Gods. Thor is not only a spoiled son of a God, but he’s also an asshole. He has a   massive ego, and acts like a rock star. He pisses off his father, and gets banished to earth without his powers so he can learn some humility. Thor meats girl, likes girl, but is too much of an ass for anything to happen between them. He is more occupied with finding his hammer (Typical guy, prefers tools over hotty heroine). Meanwhile his brother Loki turns out to be a bigger asshole and makes a bunch of trouble both on earth, and at home. He tries to kill Thor, but Thor ends up saving the day. Yadda yadda yadda…

Here is my beef with the movie which isn’t even a beef with this movie per say. I liked Thor “The movie”. Where I have a problem with Thor stems from the Avenger’s movie that just recently hit the theaters. In Thor, Thor falls for Natalie Portman’s character Jane Foster. The dust is settling, and he’s just about to stay on earth for a while so he can have some play time with Jane (Who wouldn’t its Natalie Portman?), but he has to go back to his home planet “real quick” so he can kick his brother’s ass for stirring up trouble. “That was a long sentence” The two of them start gnawing on each other’s faces just before he leaves, and he tells her he will be basically back in a sec so they can continue gnawing on each other’s faces. Something happens. Thor gets stuck at home, and can never get back to Jane, and everyone is sad especially Jane, because Thor is a hotty, and she wants her muscle-bound man toy back.

– Insert Avengers movie –

In the Avengers, Loki (Thor’s asshole brother) is back causing trouble on earth, so the Avengers are assembled to stop him. Once again, it’s a great movie, BUT now that I’ve seen Thor, I wanna know how he got back to earth, and did he ever get back to gnawing on Jane’s (Natalie Portman) face? Some of us what to know.  Was Thor being a typical player when he told Jane he would return for her when he really had no plans at all of returning? Did he bump his head, and forget her? Was he put off by her being smarter than him…..I don’t know. Almost any way you look at the situation….Thor is still an asshole. Am I right? Both movies were great, but now that I’ve seen both, I wanna know who got Jane? Come on its Natalie Portman? She’s Padmé for cripes sake. Millions of nerds would run over their own grandmothers for a chance to stand next to her at a bus stop? Inquiring minds want to know? Hmmmm maybe Thor is…….gay? Which is fine with me. Whatever floats your boat? He is a God right? That means he can do whatever he wants.

My weird twist on these movies aside, I liked both, and would consider adding both to my collection. I hope you found my rendition of the movie helpful if not comical.

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