Here are some movies I have watched, and my crappy reviews of them.

“I know my reviews are more summaries than reviews, but it’s my blog so there….”

Here we go with the second turd of a movie I just finished watching.

killing them softlyKilling Them Softly (2012)

Starring: Brad Pitt, Ray Liotta, James Gandolfini, Richard Jenkins and Scoot McNairy?

I really wanted to like this movie even more. It was directed by Andrew Dominik. He’s only directed a few movies in his career, so I’ll try to cut him some slack. At least he didn’t write the movie.

Here is my nutshell description: Mobster robs himself thinking no idiot in his right mind would do that, and gets away with it. Local small time thug thinks he can rob the same mobster the same way, because no one in their right mind would be stupid enough to do that either. Mobster’s boss gets wind of all this and sends their resident thug in to get the money back, and to teach those involved a lesson on why it’s bad to think you can steal from the mob.

Ray Liotta is the guy who robbed first, and was one of the few characters I liked. Pitt’s character had loads of potential, but was reduced to “talking” hit man for 90% of the time he was on the screen. He really wants to be violent, but his employers seem to be more interested in keeping up their corporate image intact.

This story and half of the characters had SO much potential, but it was wasted on excessive and weird conversations. Conversation can really add to a movie if it’s thought out and done well. These conversations, however, didn’t add very much to the plot at all. One group of characters constantly talked about how one of them is obsessed with having sex with anything that moves. Throughout the whole movie he looks as though he has been living in a dumpster which keeps painting pictures in my mind that my mind didn’t need to see.

James Gandolfini and Brad Pitt’s characters make up the other pair which were supposed to be hit men, but all Gandolfini did was drink WAY too much and talk about his balls. Yes, in one scene he kept zoning out while Pitt is telling him he drinks too much, and starts talking about issues he has with his nether organs which is another picture I didn’t need painted for me.

Sure some people finally got beat up and some finally got killed, but the time it took to get to that point allowed my mind to wander to more interesting things like the lint ball that I noticed rolling around under my desk.

My second….or is it my third beef with this movie? I don’t remember? Anyway, the other issue I had with this movie was the cast. Ray Liotta was great. Brad Pitt was great even though his character seemed to be on a leash for most of the movie. The characters I didn’t like were played by James Gandolfini, and Scoot McNairy. Gandolfini lost me when he started talking on and on about his ex-wife and his balls, and Scoot (nice name?) McNairy irritated me from the start with his voice. He sounded more like a squeaky rat than a low rent thug. By the time the movie was over, his voice sounded more like nails on a chalk board.

Overall I thought there was a lot of potential in the concept and in some of the main characters, but it was wasted on the weirdness. Other movies like Clerks used shit loads of dialogue successfully, but the dialogue in this movie was more like listening to your creepy uncle talk about drugs and hookers to the neighborhood kids. I just sounded wrong. I don’t like hearing things that make me want to take a shower.

I would like to see Pitt’s character in something better. His character had that that 70’s tough guy swagger that looks like it would make some cool 1970’s,  Friend’s of Eddie Coyle  style mobster movies.

Oh yeah, I know it’s kind of petty, but I also get irritated seeing crappy effects in a modern movie. I’m a gun guy, so please don’t show full screen close-ups of a semi-automatic pistol spitting out CGI bullets followed by crimped blank casings. It screams “fake gun, stop paying attention now”. And that’s what I did…..