shut up florr

Can you hear it? Neither can I. You are probably wondering what it is we all can’t hear? Well last night was the first night you couldn’t hear the new neighbors and their very loud stereo. Two weeks ago the really nice couple who were renting the house behind me moved out and were replaced by a large group of twenty somethings. The new group sure likes their music. They like their music best when all of the windows in their house are open. I guess they just like sharing with the rest of us. On the weekend I don’t mind so much, but they also blast their stereo well after midnight during the week which keeps the rest of the people living around them from sleeping at night.

shutup_03Hooray! They live right next door to the loudest family on the planet. What irritates me the most about the loudest family on the planet is a toss-up between a few annoying habits like: The home owner revving up his dirt bikes for hours on end while he works on them (he can’t do his work in the garage which faces away from my house. He has to work in a giant shed he built right on the other side of the fence in my back yard). The pool they installed with a deck that is so high that the fence only goes up to a person’s waist which makes you feel like you are in a fish tank, because they like to look into our yard like we are on display. Or the fact that their deck sounds like a drum when hundred of kids run around on it. Or the fact that all of their friends hang out there EVERY DAY…..ALL DAY, and each of their friends seems to have 100 kids. Most of the time the masses of kids are so loud I have to close all of my windows so I can hear myself think. That sucks when you want to enjoy the nice weather, but you can’t because of the hoards of people yelling a few feet away. Any time there isn’t a party going on at that house, the owner seems to be building something. Last Saturday my wake-up call was the sound of a backhoe driving around his yard. I’m sure glad they decided to begin digging whatever they needed to dig at seven in the morning. That way they could have the rest of the day to yell and scream in the pool.

So between the two houses I feel like I am trapped in my house. I can’t open my windows during the day because of the noise, and I can’t sleep at night because of the noise. Real hell is shut-up-1free to those who deserve it, but my hell is special. I pay to live in my special hell.

I know this sounds horrible, and I could probably solve my predicament by moving right. Hell no! (no pun intended) I discovered three little numbers that make it all go away. In the past I would have declared war on these idiots, and they would have eventually moved away (yes, I posses those skills and I have used them in the past), but now I am much older and more sensible. Now I just dial those three magical numbers “9-1-1” and the cops show up real quick to stomp all over whatever party is out of hand. It turns out that unlike California, the State of Washington is on the side of normal law abiding citizens. Annoying people here in Washington can actually be charged with a misdemeanor for repeatedly breaking the rules on being a noisy neighbor. Hooray!

Even since reading this, I have called the police on dirt bike man for revving his dirt bikes at 9:00pm then racing them up and down the street, and I have teamed up with other annoyed neighbors and called the police on the stereo house for the last four days. Last night I didn’t hear a peep out of either one. Last night I muted the television and tried shut upto hear a peep, and there were none. It’s amazing how powerful a cell phone can be. I was able to “SHOOSH” my asshole neighbors without having to resort to chemicals, harassment, or even threats? A cell phone isn’t as fun as the other methods, but it is faster.

Now I am enjoying my “shooshed” environment. I may even take advantage of the silence and read a book…..or even take a nap.