I’m almost done with the first week of the spring quarter. Hooray! Today was sort of weird. It started off with me coming real close to giving a crack head a beating on the bus.


When I first got on the bus, I noticed a twenty something kid sitting by himself with a bag of crap (toiletries, lip balm, shaving utensils), and a big plastic cup full of water shoved in his pocket. At first he was fine. Then as soon as a teenage-ish black fellow gets on the bus and sits in the back by himself. Crazy kid darts back there and starts talking to him. He darts back to his seat for a minute then darts back to him again and continues standing over the kid in the back and talking to him about something. He darts back to his seat and starts laughing over the fake scratch off lotto ticket he gave the kid in the back. It turns out he has a pocket full of them, so he tries to trick someone else on the bus with them even though everyone has been watching him and knows what’s up.

He then starts talking to a rather large gentleman who turned out to be very patient with crazy kid, and proceeds to talk him out of asking the rest of the bus if they want a lotto ticket. As soon as the big guy gets off the bus, crazy kid is back to being antsy. He sees the kid sitting next to me pull something out of his pocket that I guess looked like Marijuana, and yells out “DOOBIE!” Then after some polite drug related talk he starts arguing “pot smoker law” with the apparent pot smoker that is sitting next to me. All of a sudden crazy kid is really worked up and yelling at pot smoker kid making pot smoker kid get off at the next stop shaking his head.

The open seat was taken by a very young mother carrying her baby in one of those baby strapped to chest carrier things. Crazy kid starts cooing at the baby trying to get its attention then blurts out “I can’t tell if it’s a boy or a girl!” It kind of caught the mother off guard, but she told him it was a baby girl. Crazy kid starts mumbling out loud to himself about “being arrested recently for trespassing, but he wasn’t trespassing, but since he didn’t have any identification the cops took me to jail, but they couldn’t hold be because it was bullshit, and the cops were fuckin assholes, and he should have sued them for being bullshit (all on one breath which impressed me).

Crazy kid then suddenly reaches for the baby like he wants to tickle the baby’s cheek, but the mother quickly leaned back leaving him to tickling air. That pissed me off, so I did my best rulesCesar Milan and pointed at him and yelled “HEY! Which drew his attention to me then I told him to “sit down, shut up, and just ride the bus!”

It worked perfect. Just like with dogs, once dominance had been established he figured out he was about to “catch a beating” so he mumbled something to me under his breath and sat quietly. Now I have the whole bus looking wide eyed at me like I am some kind of psycho, but I didn’t give a shit. I’ll be damned if I’m gonna sit there and let some drugged up asshole put his hands on a baby.

Everything was fine for a block or two, but as soon as we stopped at my getting off point the idiot looks at the black kid in the back and yells out a line from the movie Friday “SMOKEY! YOU BACK THERE TAKIN A SHIT!” At that point I figured the kid in the back could defend himself so I got off the bus.

So that was my morning in a big nutshell.