Race Toilet SeatModern medicine is cool. We get sick. Scientists come up with pills that make us un-sick. Sometimes. Sometimes however, those pills fix what is ailing us, but also raise havoc with every other part of our body that is not sick. The drugs I take every day are intended to prolong my life. They do that in two ways:

One, they keep my blood sugar down to a normal level, they dropped my cholesterol to a normal level, and they even dropped my blood pressure to a normal level.

Two, they produce cool side effects like diarrhea.

Both of these points work hand in hand. One makes me “healthy”, and the other keeps me locked up in my house for days at a time. If you think about it, how am I going to get hit by a car or get food poisoning if I can’t be more than twenty feet from a restroom? By keeping me chained to a toilet, I won’t be able to eat foods that are bad for me, and sitting on a toilet definitely keeps me from wandering off and being attacked by wolves. So I guess I should be thankful for being healthy. I’m even losing weight, and saving money…..I live a real boring life, and my best friend right now is a toilet, but I’m healthy. Hooray me!

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